Running for Stillness

It seems somewhat counterintuitive that I need movement to find stillness.  I'm talking about stillness in my soul, stillness in my mind, and stillness in my heart.  After eight months of going non-stop, or what felt like non-stop, I need to find a way to calm myself.  A way to cease the need to always be doing something.  

I've tried meditating, but I seem to be too restless to calm down.  There are hundreds of thoughts bouncing around in my head and as soon as I push one thought out, there's another one just waiting.  

I've tried yoga...I really love it, but it is hard to work into my schedule and costs a lot of money.

But I always have old faithful - the trails that do not desert, do not cost much, and are always open whenever I can fit them in.

I find that stillness on the trails.  Lacing up my running shoes, tying up my hair in a ponytail, and pounding out the miles is the best way I know how to do that.  

There's no "to do" list when I run.  There's no judgement when I run (unless I'm being extra critical of myself).  There's no requirement to think (well, for the most part).  

It is extraordinary that such a simple act of putting one foot in front of the other can bring such calmness to my mind.  Perhaps it is the simplicity that makes it so peaceful.  I choose not to overthink it and just enjoy the solitude, the break from a busy day, the quietness.  

Balancing Act

Being a stay-at-home-mom is one of the most challenging things I've ever done. You spend all day with your amazing, trying, sometimes crabby and needy, kiddo, and every day is the same. You yearn for adult conversation. You get no weekends off. It's utterly exhausting. But it's also wonderful. I've witnessed all the "firsts" in the Weasel's life. I've taught her so many different things and watched her eyes open wide as she explores this "new" world around her. (And I really hate to complain since her father has missed so much of her life already due to deployment, but sometimes it's frustrating. Especially after having a "real" job.)


Fortunately, I belong to an amazing running club, Stroller Warriors, full of women in a similar role. We meet twice a week for scheduled runs and sometimes lament our day-to-day drudgery (more often we talk about upcoming races, training plans, or ways to fuel for our long runs!). But we need that outlet. It keeps us sane.

TE, Jill (in blue) and me on our pre-Easter Tuesday workout.

Yesterday, I ran 7 miles with my friend, Jill. She's an amazing SAHM with a nearly 1-year old. Her husband is gone for a couple weeks to do training elsewhere and while she was ecstatic that she witnessed Liam's first 4 unassisted steps, she was frustrated with herself. Jill's signed up to do a triathlon later this month, so she has been trying to work in some time on her bike trainer. The other day, she logged exactly 9 minutes before her son woke up. She found herself irritated at the situation and then felt lousy for having her priorities out of whack. 

Jill with Liam before one of our Saturday long runs...making it happen!

I've found myself thinking these exact same thoughts. How do I balance being a good, attentive mother with maintaining wifely duties and keeping myself happy? I do it by exercising. I love running. Even when it sucks, it's one of the best parts of my day. I am thrilled that the Weasel doesn't fuss too much in her stroller (she's even done a full half with me!). She's a terrible napper for the most part, but she sometimes lets me finish an entire Insanity workout mid-day. I'm grateful that I don't have to sit at a desk, yearning to get out for a workout; but it's not that simple. She has a schedule. If I take her for a long run, it compromises her naps. If I want to go for a bike ride, I have to find someone to watch her or get her into the hourly care (which means a long drive). And lord knows when the last time I got into the pool was! But if I didn't do these things, I can't imagine how grumpy I would be. 


So while it's not always easy, I try to remember that I am also a priority. My happiness sanity comes from running. If I don't fit it in, I notice a difference. Running (or working out in general) makes me a better mother and a better wife. For all of you other mother runners out there struggling with this same balancing act, just know you're not alone. Remember, you are just as important as everyone else. As long as you're not sacrificing the needs (not wants) of your child, the way you fit in your "me" time is not only a good thing, it's a necessary thing. 

Stuck in a Rut

From May to December of last year, I was a running fool. I dropped my 5k PR by minutes, not seconds. I lost a much needed 10 pounds, and an extra 5 just to see if it made me faster (it did not). I ran 6-7 days a week and some nights, I hopped on the treadmill once the Weasel was asleep to log a second workout. I ate relatively healthy meals, rarely snacked, and watched less than 4 hours of TV a week.

Then my wonderful husband came home. While I'm thrilled to have him home, it's definitely taken a toll on my physique and fitness level. First and foremost, we like our beer and cocktails. That affects not only my waistline, but my willingness to hop out of bed and workout in the morning. Secondly, we share popcorn or pretzels, or something sweet nearly every night while we watch TV. I haven't blogged in FOREVER! Writing this blog has helped me hold myself accountable for my running/fitness. And finally, I'd just rather spend time hanging out with him on a Saturday morning than going to meet my Stroller Warriors for a race. I'll have plenty of time for that, so I'm just enjoying the honeymoon phase while it's still in effect:)

But I'm using this platform to get back on track! Last Friday I ran 3.83 with the SWs and then Jason met up with me for an additional 4. The following day, I linked up with a girlfriend and her husband, and we knocked out 11 around base. It's not easy, but it feels good to get back into it. Yesterday, Jason and I got a babysitter to watch the Weasel, and we played racquetball for an hour and then did 20 minutes on the stair climber (the one with the rotating set of stairs). And while we did come home and share some beergaritas (limeade, tequila, and 2 light beers), I didn't feel bad about it because we're making it work...it's a delicate balance. And this is life.

Am I being selfish?

Do you ever ask yourself this question when you're in the midst of some serious training? If you do, you're not alone. Training sucks up a lot of "free" time - that's time away from family and friends, work, and other hobbies. Not to mention that you also have to stretch, do core work, and cross train. It adds up, and sometimes makes us feel selfish.

Family time or training? Which one wins out?

As a self-proclaimed work-a-holic, my sister, Jessica, spends on average 12 hours a day at work. About half of the time, she can squeeze in a run during working hours, but what about those other days? Is it fair to her husband that she gets home and immediately dons running attire to log a few miles?

And I have a 1-year old who doesn't really love being strapped into a stroller for 30 minutes to an hour and a half 6 days a week! Should we just give it up?

NO! If you're feeling selfish, just imagine how much worse you would feel if you didn't get those runs in. My mind would be racing with self-criticism about why I was such a slacker. For me, escaping for a 30 minute run is so much more beneficial to me AND to those around me. We are happier and healthier when we run.

Ever look at your clock and think there just aren't enough hours in the day?!

Are there times when it's important to recognize when running should take a backseat? Absolutely! No one knows better than you if your family and friends are feeling neglected and just need that extra attention from you. Perhaps they are upset because your training seems more important to you then they do. Do your best to realize these instances and make a judgment call. One extra rest day can do wonders, not only for sore muscles, but also for relationships!

And if possible, you can always try to combine the two! Ask your partner to join you for a run and explain why keeping a schedule is so important to your goals.

How do you keep life/training in balance?